haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
