she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
