Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
