batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
