don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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