dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
