you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
