Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
