Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
