My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
