dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
