If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
