I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
