oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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