I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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