i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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