That's intense
so explain again why im purple
no
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How naked do you want me to be?
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