Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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