I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize