Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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