I just saw a hot homeless man
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
