if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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