ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
