I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
