Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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