He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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