I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
