I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
