He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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