Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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