god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
did i walk over a car last night?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
