The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
