Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
