I puked a lego.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
