dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
