Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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