sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
