please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
