We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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