also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
