Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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