hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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