Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
