I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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