1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
