just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize