Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
