I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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