i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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