I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
