when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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