I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
