Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
