I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
