we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
