I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize