you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
