Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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