I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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