god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
