Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you had me at cake vodka
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize