Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Shame - the story of my life.
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