Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
