I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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