If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
