Kiss
Puke
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize