I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
