no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
