I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
