The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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