I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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